Do submissives like to hear naughty and highly suggestive comments when coupling? How do subs respond to raw, feral, unfiltered terms?
When I first was exposed to BDSM, I questioned my Dom extensively. I didn’t like being called “whore” or “slut.” I certainly wanted sexual attention and gratification, but not the shaming. I said something like, “What is with all the negative female shaming words?” My Dom insisted that he wasn’t shaming me. I think my reply was, “My feelings count, and I FEEL they are shaming words. What do you think they mean?” Luckily, my Dom was a patient man. His reply was something like this.
“Your feelings do count, of course! But your emotions about those words are shaped by our culture and socialization. To the rest of the world, “whore” and “slut” do have negative associations. But to the kink world, Doms WANT you to leave behind social standards and norms. Any Dom will want you to relieve yourself of society’s rules. Think of all the times growing up you were told, ‘That skirt is too short! Your blouse is too revealing! I am NOT buying you that skimpy swimsuit!’
To me, when I call you whore or slut, I am reinforcing the idea that being able to enjoy sex without feeling shyness or emotional restrictions are exactly what I want for you. I want you to KNOW that I find it exciting and gratifying that you are getting extreme pleasure from what we do together. It makes my pleasure all the more blissful.”
Doms Q and R told me they believe the word “slut” means a woman who really enjoys having sex. Could it be that a borrowed ”naughtiness factor” makes women feel just a bit more wicked, and perhaps it whets our sexual appetites just a bit more, making us believe our Doms see us as aroused sex kittens who want nothing more than to have an orgasm and make him cum, too? I don’t know if that is true, but I sure like the idea, so I’m going with it!
Dom X said he believes there is a difference [in response] between subs and slaves. He thinks, in general, “slaves need/want to be objectified. Subs want to be treated as women but crave being treated as sluts. They are looking for primal desire.”
I think the truth lies somewhere in between. Some women simply find specific terms unacceptable for them. Dom X told me that he has had a couple of subs that have a romantic need and do not want to hear the word “fuck.” That seems a bit far from subbie-hood, but I can’t criticize because I do not like being called a whore. Whores have sex for money. I have sex for the pure pleasure of it. I am not a whore.
I enjoy sex. I love sex. I adore feeling my partner. Smoothing my hands down his sides and gently squeezing his butt. I love what passions we create together. Call me a slut if you wish. I say I am just a modern American woman which comes with the freedom to be horny, to be passion-filled, to act on your desires.
Mind you, in the preliminaries of leading to play, the average couple, even a kinky couple, don’t usually begin using coarse words. As kisses turn to caresses and clothes are shed, snuggling, and squeezing opens the route to touching a moist tongue at the hollow of the jaw just below the ear. A pinch of a breast, then sucking and licking, a Dom may begin expressing his desire to hear her responses.
“You like it when I tease your nipples, don’t you?”
“Yes, it feels wonderful.”
“Yeah? Tell me, tell me, minx! Tell me what you like. Say the words, wench!”
At this point, he may engulf as much of her breast in his mouth as possible, sucking it while pulling back, extending her breast from her torso. His sub moans and edges slightly closer to continue the wanton torture. He stops, releasing her nipple before the climax can happen. Playfully fingering them, rolling the nipple between thumb and forefinger, he requires her answer.
“Tell me, Jezebel, tell me you how much like your nipples sucked and pinched and pulled. Tell me what a little slut you are!”
Her eyes grow big at that remark, as she burns with excitement, thrilled at the term, but struggles self-consciously and hesitates to speak. The best Dom has some knowledge of psychology and recognizes her socialized inhibitions. His natural state of dominance, and this perception will prod him to continue. Knowing her need to release embarrassment, to jettison any bashfulness to oblivion, so that this coupling is clearly about pleasure, her pleasure… and his. Requiring her to speak emancipates her. Slowly, she forces out the words.
“I… I like it when… when you suck on my nipples!”
“Do you? Tell me how much, lil slut!”
“How?… I…I need it, I crave it! Please, please, I need your mouth on them! Don’t … don’t stop, please!” Reveling in his success, he sucks the nipple even more intensely, she aches and cries out.
“Yes, O, yes!”
“You like that, my lil wench? Tell me!”
“Your wench loves her nipples sucked and pulled. Ooooh, Daddy/Sir/Master (insert appropriate term).”
As their coupling continues when he has inserted his cock and thrust in and out many times, he sees she is almost ready to cum, and being the Dom he wants her under his total control and frankly, enjoys the begging for his cock. He stops, still inside her but not all the way in, he says something like,
“Tell me who you are.” She looks at him, puzzled.
“What are you? What are you, wench?”
“I’m …. I’m your wench, sir.”
“Yes, you are. And what else? What else are you?”
“I… well, … your Jezebel!”
“That too. And you’re my slut, my little fuck slut, aren’t you?” Surging deep, her breath stolen; she may have to wait until the next partial withdrawal before she can blurt out what he wants to hear.
“YES! Yes, I’m your minx, your wench, your… Jezebel, your fuck slut. Yours, yours, I love being your fuck slut, sir!
The more they play, the deeper the association, the easier it is for her to say what he wants to hear. And the more she wants to, his pronouncements of her. His reflection of who she is, who she has become under his tutelage, the ability to enjoy her animal self in many different sexual practices has opened the doors to bountiful pleasures unleashed. Is it any wonder we seek these deeper associations? The gratification of encouraging another human to release inhibitions and travel a sensual path with you is exhilarating and creates deep, meaningful bonds.
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